she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
