How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Randomize
