i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
