so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
