how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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