I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
