I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Randomize
