I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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