Your face is a jimmy john
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
