You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize