He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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