I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
