I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
where are my eyebrows?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
