In America we eat man semen.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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