He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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