dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
