why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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