you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
