is your mom at the bar?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
