I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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