either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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