The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize