R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
