You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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