that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
