Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
