Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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