i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
