He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
