Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
