I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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