he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize