How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
