I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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