What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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