We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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