My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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