I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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