why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
