I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
