her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
