I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize