i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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