OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
