dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
