Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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