need another drink. this is the easiest way
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think I sprained my soul last night
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
