I faked an abortion last night.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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