The beer is more important than you right now.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
