so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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