.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
