I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
