Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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