I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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