is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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