so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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