just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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