My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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