i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
