my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize