She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's even glitter on my cock...
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