It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize