She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You made out with two different species that night
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
