This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize