you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
