I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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