remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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