Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
