I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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