we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
