Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
